The last few days i've been pretty hyper. At the risk of sounding weird, i can literally *feel * the mania churning about underneath all the medication, desperate to get out. And i can feel the medication holding back what at times feels like a wave of "crazy", like a dam just waiting to break. And the worst thing is, how often i would like it to break, to let go and let it all out, just to get it out of my system!

In addition to this, my skin has gone haywire, which might not sound like much but only a few weeks ago i was thinking to myself "i may be overweight, and my hair may be falling out from the medications, but at least i have clear skin". I guess i spoke too soon. Which means that the old demons are chattering paranoically into my ear again, making it harder to see, hear or think straight. I dont feel i have many redeeming features right now lol. I dont know if its caused by my medications or not, but its very easy to put the blame there right now! In reality, though, its more likely to be the PCOS causing it. Either way, grrrrrrr! Not something i need!

Mostly, though, im just talking too much, thinking too much and all the usual fun times that come along with this diagnosis. And im a little irritable, coming up with ideas for stuff that doesnt really matter given that we're moving house in less than a month and all that good shit.

Still, seeing Dr M next week, so that might help or he might just tell me to take more drugs. Not that it really matters because its the last time i will ever see him again... im happy about that because he is almost impossible to get an appointment with, never returns phone calls (great considering sometimes you actually NEED to talk to your psychiatrist on the same day, not in 3 weeks time, after calling his office 4 times every day!!), never does things he promises to do and works at a hospital that's miles away. Not his fault, he's the only psychiatrist in East Anglia that currently accepts Tricare. 

Im also not so happy about finishing with him because he is a very nice guy, he and i work well because he doesnt sugar-coat things, or try to baffle me with bullshit, he just tells me like it is. Without him i would not have an accurate diagnosis or any medication and i would probably be dead by now. Or sectioned. 

Plus, im scared of the unknown. What happens in Omaha? Do i get a new shrink, and if so will they be as cool as him? Or will they try to re-diagnose me/ mess with my meds etc etc. Who knows....