"Dont mind me, its just her bipolar..."
I wanted to write an entry about support systems, but this one has been clawing at my brain all afternoon, so i figured i would write about it.
I think when it comes to mental illness sometimes there is a little temptation on the part of others to use it as a "get out of jail free" card in certain situations. Its easy to forget that just because we're ill, doesnt mean we arent still human. We still have regular emotions, we still get mad/ happy/ sad etc. And it isnt always a direct result of the bipolar or any other illness.
I guess its can just be frustrating to genuinely be happy about something and be asked if im manic, or be upset by something and have someone excusing my behaviour as being caused by my bipolar. Yes, i have bipolar disorder. Yes, it factors into my life more than i'd like because it is not yet fully managed, but it isnt all there is to me! I am still allowed to enjoy something, or get angry or feel sadness, it wont always be a symptom.
I think its just the easier thing to do sometimes... when your experience of a person has always been that they can be a little "unstable", and that they do experience extremes in mood, it is very tempting, and very easy to just automatically assume that any new behaviour is just an extension of that. Usually it can be pretty easy for the sufferer to explain the situation, to explain that in actual fact they genuinely are NOT symptoms, just regular emotions.
The problem starts when you are not believed.
If im asked if im feeling manic and i say no, it would be nice to be believed. I know that due to the very nature of my illness makes me hard to trust at times, but i like to think that i've done a lot to earn back some trust. I take the medications (albeit grudgingly lol), im compliant with just about everything my shrink asks me to do, so then to not be trusted when i say im not manic is a little frustrating. Likewise if i lose my temper or get upset... its frustrating when people think that automatically they are in the right because im probably just "being unstable and bipolar" and that im probably just blowing everything out of proportion, and therefore refuse to accept that maybe they really were out of order or in the wrong.
I think its just worthwhile remembering that not everything is an illness. Sometimes a bad day is just a bad day. Sometimes i really am just happy because im happy. Not everything is because i have bipolar disorder.
Hi Gem,
I do trust you implicitly. Most of this trust was built before diagnosis - let alone medication, if anything I trust you knowing how you feel, more than I trust the illness or the meds. Just because your emotions are intense doesnt ever stop them from being real.
Something Steve said a lot and I think it fits here (and Im sure he quoted it from someone else)
Just because I dont agree with your opinion, it wont stop me fighting for your right to it.
I hope that our disagreement has not damaged our friendship beyond repair, I think Im worried that I shouldnt have said anything - I guess I just dont know. I think disagreeing with you over something has been really hard for me and I expect for you as well, its been worrying me most of the weekend. Dumb Vij here probably taking things personally and reading stuff that isnt there.
Still hugs for you and snuggles for charlie xx
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