I had a plan... i planned to post one entry per day for the entire duration of Mental Illness Awareness Week, which runs from October 4th to October 11th. In an act of pure irony, it was actually my mental illness that got in the way of that. I have been pretty depressed for the last 6 weeks or so, wavering up and down between fleeting moments of normality, then back down into the pit again. Exhaustion and lethargy have been my constant companions, which isnt exactly helpful for blogging. This past week has been particularly bad, with a lot of symptoms i havent seen for a while creeping up on me again.

Today, as it happens, is National Depression Screening Day, and honestly i feel this is a wonderful resource that should be used. So many people go through their lives without being even diagnosed, let alone being treated. So i wanted to include a link here in case anyone reading here has concerns, or is just interested in knowing more:

So, onto Mental Illness Awareness Week. As is probably very evident from this blog, awareness is something i am very passionate about. I think its important for 2 reasons; first, if more people are aware of the issues surrounding mental illnesses, there is more room for understanding and from there, it also means that if the stigma is removed, more people will feel able to get access to any diagnoses or treatments they may need. 

The second reason is actually a personal bugbear of mine: Ignorance. So many people have no idea about mental illnesses, and at the worst case treat the sufferers as jokes, as objects of ridicule. Sometimes, though, the ignorance is not intended to be malicious but the result is the same. Someone hears a "fact" about an illness, tells other people under the guise of knowing a lot about it and before you know it there are a lot of people who know nothing real about the illness in question but still perpetuate ridiculous stories that can actually be very hurtful to the sufferer. Some of the things i've been told are "facts" about bipolar disorder actually make me laugh, although really they arent funny... I'll share some here just because i want to show how ridiculous some of them can be:

I've been asked "which personality are you today?" by people who have explained that they thought bipolar disorder meant two personalities. This is actually a very common misconception, that sufferers of bipolar disorder have multiple personalities. I always make the effort to explain that this is not the case.

Another common misconception is that a person with bipolar will be all smiles one minute, then freaking out and throwing plates the next. Now, there are some people who do have incredibly rapid cycles, but this is rare, it is not the norm. And while everyone's case is different, it is more common for someone with bipolar disorder to have the mood changes over a much slower period, building through mania, then down into depression. Sometimes lasting months at a time. But still this image lingers, the one of someone laughing like mad, then turning on a sixpence and sobbing or screaming. It's a frightening image, both for the very rare cases for whom it is very much like this on a day to day basis, and for those of us who are not like this, but who are all lumped into the same category, and not trusted or understood as a result.

This last example i included just because of the ridiculousness of it, and for a much-needed laugh: 

I have been told as a "fact" that "all bipolar girls like to take it up the ass". This one actually shocked me, but also made me burst out laughing because i couldnt possibly understand where that conclusion could have come from. I assume that the person figured that since people with bipolar tend to be more risky, and often can be hyper-sexual, then from there it had to mean that someone with bipolar would do anything in bed.

I've talked to a lot of people with regards mental illness, and one thing that astounds me is the number of people who claim to be suffering from various illnesses, and yet it turns out they have actually self-diagnosed. Although this is not a something that has come about as a result of the internet, it is certainly something that has increased since the internet became widely available. In the days before so much information became available at the click of a mouse, a person would usually suspect something was wrong and either visit a doctor or their local library. Depending on the circumstances, they might decide to get help, or read books on abnormal psychology and try to figure out for themselves what was wrong. And although there would always be people who would read these books and decide they had the condition they were reading about, for the most part going to the library consisted of just as much energy as going to the doctor, and wouldnt be pursued by as many people as an option.

Nowadays, you only have to have access to a computer. And the internet quizzes i have previously ranted about in this journal dont help because they plant ideas in people's minds, and now it is so easy to research that condition and convince yourself you have it.

I was talking to one guy who told me that he had bipolar, so i got chatting to him and asked him which type he has. Not all people know, but online especially its a good question to ask. It usually can help weed out people who are piss-taking, people who have self-diagnosed etc. Anyway, i asked this guy which type he had and he said he didnt know, so we carried on chatting. He asked me what drugs i took, and i told him. He told me that he managed his condition without drugs, and felt that bipolar was not a condition that needed to be treated with drugs at all. He said he just brings himself down from the highs, and up from the lows. I told him how i wished i could do that, but i cant. He told me how he thinks psychiatrists are useless etc, and it came out that he was not diagnosed at all, that he had self-diagnosed. I told him how i feel about people who are self-diagnosed, that i feel that if there are people like him going about making it look like such a trivial condition, something like the common cold that anyone can diagnose themselves with, then it makes people who definitely, really do have the condition less credible. Less believable, harder to take seriously.

To me, its very simple. You wouldnt self-diagnose cancer, would you? And if someone were going about claiming to have cancer, but then saying that no doctor had diagnosed it, you just knew from your symptoms that you had it, you'd be angry at them, wouldnt you? You'd tell them to see a doctor before they went about saying stuff like that. So why is it ok for people to self-diagnose mental illnesses, when those very illnesses are just as serious, and just as deadly as things like cancer? Awareness, to me, means that mental illness would finally be able to achieve the same status and credibility as physical illness.

Well, there's another blog that went ranty... Brief update on my own illness front, my depression is lifting. FINALLY. I'd been down for over 6 weeks, saw Dr M on monday and he gave me a short-term dose of Trazodone, just for 2 weeks to see if it lifts me. Im only allowed to take it every other night, because he fears that it'll send me manic, and i can see why! I took it tuesday night, and wednesday i was pretty bouncy. Today, i am still feeling very bouncy and i take it again tonight, so im pretty excited. Its nice not to be sitting around in a funk all the time. 

So, stay strong and i will try to update a bit more in future!